Quote:
Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight
I know it's pointless to debate with you, but it was more the intensity of his reaction to some things lately. Saying he didn't want to be controlled or micromanaged. Saying he felt trapped. Saying he felt what I said was manipulative. Saying he was frustrated with me. So much of that is about *him* and his feelings. Not like, "Oh I wonder what's going on with LT here, let's examine this." It's "How does it affect me?" (referring to Dr. T). If this was a regular relationship, like a friendship, a marriage, family--certainly, he should be sharing his feelings. But it's not. I've often read that part of what you pay a therapist for, besides their time/expertise, is for them to keep their feelings out of it. (Ex-MC often said I didn't have to worry about his feelings, for example, and would say he felt he did something wrong when I did care. Ex-T would say I didn't need to worry about her. K said similarly.) Otherwise, what is it beyond a paid friendship?
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I’ve said this before, and perhaps it is pointless to repeat it, but I just don’t see why he shouldn’t be sharing his feelings about your behavior. Info did, once, not long after I started with her—I was angry and took it out on her over email. She didn’t blame me for the anger—she knew it was about other therapists more than her—but she told me she felt attacked when I expressed anger in a certain way, and we discussed it and worked out how I could express that anger without her feeling attacked (because that might keep her from being helpful) and yet I could get it out. So it was still about me.
It helped in real life. And the fact that she would stand up for herself gave me some respect for her.
So I know you’re hurt by what he said and I think he should have expressed some of the things he said differently, but I think he was within his rights to say them without it becoming all about him, and I think even when he spoke from his perspective it was still about you.