I'll save you the details, but today has been bad and I got a little violent. My mom yelled at me and wants me to go back to the hospital but I feel like I got worse since going in last time. I mean how can doing nothing but sitting with dark thoughts 24 hours a day be helpful? I don't know what to do but I'm afraid I'll just get worse again and my violence will just yield to being strapped down in the quiet room again.
I want to move out so I can engage in my unhealthy coping skills without bothering them, but financially I can't do that.
I feel so guilty, but at the same time I'm still raging. I want to ruin every relationship with everyone so people start caring about me as much as I care about myself.