My Support Forums - View Single Post - If You Could Change Your Past ... Would You Want To?

Seafarer · Sep 14, 2019 at 11:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BethRags

Honestly, I would have restructured most of my life. From severe (and yes, I mean severe...ugly) childhood abuse to choices I made because I was unskilled, naive, and functionally retarded (I'm using the word "retarded" literally, to mean that my emotional abilities and functionality was stunted).

Getting married at age 18, for example, because I had to get out of my childhood home. Yet, I had no known way to support myself. So my husband (age 34 when we were married) has controlled my financial life, all of my adult life.

As a result of having married so young my marriage is difficult - and I have had several painful affairs over the past 38 years.

And so it went. I loved being a mom and managed, somehow, to raise children that have become highly functional adults. But I very rarely see them; I suspect they are ashamed of me, on some level.

As for having bipolar disorder; oddly, I'm not sure I would change that. BD has given me the ability to see, hear, and generally perceive a world that is probably far more magnificent than the normal world is. Also, I've learned so much, being bipolar.

So yes, there is a lot of my life that I would change. I think mostly, I would have respected myself so that the significant people in my life also respected me. Being "strong" is something born of necessity. I would have preferred to be successful.

You sound pretty successful to me!

You managed to get away from your childhood home. You've raised children to become highly functional adults. You've claimed your BD as something that's let you see, hear, and perceive a magnificent world, and you've learned from it.

Yep, I'd say you're succeeding.