Quote:
Originally Posted by susannahsays
Geez, Lemon, was it really necessary to do all that? I admit I'm feeling pretty upset about the way you went about things due to my own experiences with the only two roommates I've had. They were both really passive aggressive and it honestly made me want to die at certain points because I could not escape the constant tension. I would try to make things better - olive branches like what your former roommate did with the chocolate bar - and it never made any difference. I felt so helpless and trapped.
There's being assertive and there's being aggressive or passive aggressive. I'm not saying you should have subverted your own wants or needs to "keep the peace." But there is also a difference between not feeling like you have to be nice to everyone just because and feeling like it's ok to treat someone you're living with the way that you did and make their life a living hell. If you recognize that you aren't required to be nice to anybody, you might want to take that a step farther and recognize that other people might feel the same way and not take it so personally when someone you've just met does something like she did. Yeah, it wasn't a great thing for her to do - but if she felt like she had grounds for a complaint, then by your logic, why must she be nice and hold her tongue to keep the peace? Since you didn't get kicked out or imprisoned, I assume her complaint was minor. She was in the wrong, in my opinion, to not address it with you directly, but I'm just saying you didn't have to go nuclear on her.
And my unsolicited advice is that you not use strategies like this with people because at some point, you'll mess with the wrong person and reap what you've sewn. I had and continue to have so many fantasies about ways I could take revenge on my former roommates and pay them back for just a tiny amount of the misery they caused me. They would deserve it. But I am trying to content myself knowing that the way they act will catch up with them and I don't want to risk having to pay for taking my vengeance.
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I'm sorry about your own experience.
With my building layout- I have my own separate kitchen and living area. The only thing we shared was the bathroom.
I've had other flatmates and an actual roommate before who would set 5am alarms- so IÂ’m used to living with others and making compromises but I'm not an angel and don't pretend to be.
She complained about my sister staying with me when her boyfriend was down every other week. She made lists of the products I should be buying and using and how to clean. There were rules about windows being allowed to be left open. I know I didn’t clean to the same standard as her and would have agreed if there was poo smeared all over and blood left in the bathroom, but it felt excessive.
I burnt the bridges when she frequently called the building manager on me without speaking to me first for unannounced checks- three visits in the space of two weeks is not okay.
I kept dates and took photos of all the times I cleaned in the bathroom .
The building manager told me she understood and when I asked the manager what specifically I was supposed to clean when she came up she couldn’t give me an answer.
I'm not going to answer the door when there's someone angrily knocking.
The music was from my laptop only and no external speakers.
I'm allowed to cook whatever I want in my kitchen without having to asking her permission.
Accepting the chocolate would have been meaningless. Should I accept it to make her feel better?
I also don't have to talk to anyone when I just want to shower or brush my teeth. The silent treatment was also just waiting until she left the bathroom before going in. She’d do the same so we wouldn’t see each other for weeks.