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sarahsweets · Sep 15, 2019, 06:05 AM

Hey @tkdan63

Quote:

Originally Posted by tkdan63

Out of the blue my wife messages me telling me that she is still in love with me and is willing to forgive me for the affair and willing to wait however long it takes for me to come to my senses. I did not think at this point she could still be in love with me or that I had any feelings for her anymore.

You are very lucky your wife still loves you and wants to work on things. Are you sure you do and its not because there is an empty place where this other woman left?

Quote:

She wanted me to come by the house one evening and talk about it so I did. We ended up agreeing that we wanted our marriage to make it and would be willing to do whatever it takes to make it work. She tells me she had come to the realization that where we both were at in our marriage either one of us could have fallen into an affair if the right person came along.

Were there any other reasons discussed about what led to the affair?

Quote:

It was this realization that made it so that she could forgive what I had done.
We are working on it and things are going well. This other person has made no attempt to contact me nor do I expect it. My wife may have forgiven me but I have not been able to. I have been bombarded with guilt and remorse for what I put her, my step children and my biological children through. I’ve found myself in a deep depression almost as soon as I moved back home. Some days aren’t as bad as others but I get no relief from it. Part of me believes I should suffer for what I’ve done, that I don’t deserve a second chance, or to be forgiven for my actions. It’s been three weeks and my depression has increased. I have talked extensively with my wife about it. She has been very understanding and I realize how fortunate I am to have her by my side through it all. So my depression is of my own making and I hope over time it will get better but for now I’m using this forum to reach out because I feel totally lost.

I think you need your own therapy and couples counseling. You need to get to the root of why the affair happened. It didnt just happen because you felt like roommates with your wife. Your wife needs a forum where she can get to the root of what she feels. She says she forgives you and wants to make it work but I donot believe its that simple.