I can appreciate him wanting to see his kids and grandchild as often as possible. I just think he also needs to accept the reality of your health status. He needs to accept the reality of his own health status too. He has been struggling as well.

I think it is perfectly acceptable to state how long you'd be comfortable going for and that you'll need to stay home if the trip is any longer than that. That gives him two options that can work for you.

You shouldn't have to feel guilty and go into a downward spiral if you cannot make a trip work. That's you choosing to take on the guilt and you ultimately have control over that. You aren't a bad step mother, grandmother or wife for doing what you need to do to keep yourself healthy and out of the hospital. You'd be realizing you have limits and that self care is more important than going and operating on empty. Going on a trip that is more than you can handle can also land you in IP. The only options that keep you safe are making a short trip that works for you or staying home and being in acceptance of your choice. Perhaps you and your T can discuss ways to cope with the second option.

Maybe time your discussion with your husband so that it falls right before you see your T again. That way you can get some help processing anything uncomfortable that comes up.

I know this must be incredibly difficult. I'm actually a step mother and a grandmother in addition to being a mother of my little ones. I've been pulled in a number of uncomfortable directions over the years and it is always hard to balance what is right for you against the needs of a child. Keep in mind that sometimes there is no right answer and give yourself room for acceptance. My step daughter has disliked a number of the decisions I have made over the years, but it didn't mean they were wrong. It just meant that we were both doing our best to deal with a difficult situation. The love is always there and that's what I choose to focus on.