Feeling that way for so long is horrible. Nobody can deny that. I can say though that some of the struggles you present here are 100% in your control, but they require you to do the work to change your choices. Being or not being a slut is in your control. You are the only one who can change it. We are what we choose to be in the moment. Our past defines us if you choose to only look backward. Make better choices for yourself in that regard starting today and then today you're not a slut. Leave the past in the past for now. Choose to abstain from sex for a period of time until you find baseline again and can make sexual decisions from a healthy place and then you set up a pattern of making healthy sexual decisions.

I imagine if you were to brainstorm a list of all of the reasons you feel worthless a majority of them would be at least somewhat in your control. That means you have a lot of opportunity for growth and joy in front of you. The way you view this and then respond makes all the difference.

No amount of meds or therapy can fix this for you. You have to do the work. Most work seems daunting at first, but it gets easier after you take the first step. Then the steps add up and you gain confidence. Then you start to like yourself a bit more. You will make mistakes, but they will feel like less of a failure once you get a few successes under your belt. You've maybe forgotten or never known what it feels like to thrive, but it is out there for you. You have to get over the mental hurdles first though. You have to be able to believe it is a possibility.

I realize maybe you're not in a place to hear this now. Sorry if it is just too much, but maybe it will help later. You're a good person Spikes. I've seen you give thoughtful and wonderful advice here. You have lots to build upon. I wish you could see it.