Hello agustindelpane: I see this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to Psych Central. One additional forum, here on PC, that may be of interest to you would be the Self-Injury forum. Here's a link:

https://psychcentralforums.com/self-injury/

The Coping with Emotions forum may also be of interest:

https://psychcentralforums.com/coping-with-emotions/

I'm sorry you are in so much distress. You didn't mention if you're seeing a therapist, a psychologist or a psychiatrist. If you have no mental health professionals in your life, that may be an important step for you to take to begin to get a handle on what's happening with you. You mentioned struggling with suicidal thoughts. So here's a link to an article, from Psych Central's archives, that talks about how to survive suicidal thoughts:

How to Survive Suicidal Thoughts

And then, since you posted this in the Depression forum, here are links to 4 articles on that subject. The second article provides links to several additional articles on the subject:

Depression: Symptoms, Types & Treatments | Psych Central

Living with Depression: A Guide for Coping with Depressive Feelings | Psych Central

https://psychcentral.com/blog/9-ways...ve-depression/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/the-bi...my-depression/

I hope you find PC to be of benefit.