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Nik87 · Sep 15, 2019 at 06:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight

Some of the, well, lowlights from now-ex-Dr.T Monday.

I started by saying I thought maybe we're at an impasse, how I'm struggling to get past some things he's said lately. He immediately got defensive and said how he didn't say I was being manipulative, that he said what he felt what I did was manipulative. Me: "Actually, that's not what I was referring to..."

I mentioned his saying he'd felt "trapped" when I wrote to him with

Possible trigger:

SUI/SH thoughts a couple weeks before

. T: "I was just being honest about how I felt." Me: "But 'trapped' has a really negative feel to it. It suggests I did that intentionally, when I didn't." T: "OK, we can use 'pressured.' Is that better?" Me: "Yes."

T said he was trying to protect his outside life, such as his time. I said he could have just written a couple sentences back to me (vs. the two long emails he sent). T: "That wouldn't have been enough for you." Me: "Yes it would have. It has been in the past. Or if you said you couldn't write more then, but referred me to crisis line. That would have been better than what you wrote." T: "I said some supportive things in there." Me: "But it was mixed in with more negative things. So it was hard to focus on those." T said something else about just being honest. I said how you could say someone is ugly and then defend that because it's "honest." I forget what he said to that.

I was suddenly like, "Can I just pay now?" T: "Uh, I guess, yeah." He said I didn't have to stand up, he took card from me, put it through, handed it back, and sat back down. Me: "I meant to do that at the beginning and just forgot." T: "OK."

T: "I feel like you think I've been cruel to you." Me: "I've never used that word before. You're projecting that onto me." (I was turning the tables there, as lately he's said I've been projecting onto him.) T: "Well, you seem to think it." Me: "You have been pretty harsh at times lately." T: "You keep projecting things onto me and it bothers me." (I wanted to say, "Yeah, it's called transference," but I resisted.)

Bringing up something from last time, I said I'd pushed for more signs of caring from him because I hadn't felt it from him lately. T: "I'm not the one who should be providing that." I didn't know what to say to that. T: "And if I showed more caring, you'd just want more and more. You'd never be satisfied." I said I disagreed with that. How, I know this isn't about love, but this is just the example that comes to mind. That H and I say "I love you" to each other multiple times a day. So I don't feel the need to ask him "do you love me?" And I try to do the same with D.

I mentioned how I often felt worse after sessions. Particularly those about therapeutic relationship. Forget what he said to that?
I asked if he had thoughts on potential ways for us to move forward. T: "Do you actually want me to talk about those? Because I get the sense that maybe you just want to end." Me: "...Yeah, I think maybe I just need to end, take a break at least."

T started talking about how I'd do with other therapists. T: "You're either going to be unhappy with the next therapeutic relationship because you'll hit up against their boundaries and it won't be enough. Or else you'll end up in a boundary-blurring relationship like with Ex-MC. Where it's more like an outside relationship." Me: "But isn't there a big middle ground in there." T: "Maybe?"

He told me that I shouldn't spend much time with a future T talking about stuff with him. Because that's not really what I'm in therapy for. He said he got frustrated that I talked about ex-MC so much in the beginning with him. Me: "But...I came to see you specifically to consult about ex-MC...and told you that. So, of course I was going to talk about him. And I imagine I'll need to process this, about you. Because I've been seeing you twice a week for 2 years." T: "But you shouldn't take much time on it. Because the T might wonder what you're doing there." Me: "...."

He confirmed that he should take me off the schedule for Thursday and that I didn't want to schedule any future sessions. I said he was right. I asked if it was still OK to come back at some point, like if I saw another T for a while, then maybe wanted to continue working with him on some things. T said it was fine. Me: "OK, I know you've said that in the past, just making sure it still applied." T: "Yes." Me: "Or even if it's just for one session, in, say, 3 weeks to talk things through?" T: "Yes. And I'd be surprised if you didn't do that." Me: "OK."

I stood up to throw away my tissues, but first looked at his fish and moved finger in front of her for a second. Me: "Take good care of your fish." T: "I will." I threw away my pile of tissues.

T held out his hand. As I shook it, he said, "Good luck." Me: "Thanks." T: "Be well." Me (kinda mumbling): "You too." Then I left.

I know this was from a few days ago.. but I feel like your T is being manipulative and had a hidden agenda when he said you shouldn’t spend a lot of time talking about him to your next T. He is probably concerned about his reputation or other T’s opinion about him. You’re right, his best interest seems to come before your own.