I am depressed and panicky and tired and...lonely...the whole day. The pain is so much it almost hurts physically.

I'm in bed most of the time... feeling either the sinking pain of depression or the stinging pain of anxiety. I am so tired the whole day that I can't force myself to exercise indoors beyond 10minutes or make myself go out of the house, even to the local grocers to buy something I fancy eating.

I am still hurting from my boyfriend leaving me end of last year...like a stupid person I still cling to the hope that he may come back to me some day. He gifted me a tv and a refurbished laptop from Amazon India after we broke up... so why would he even care to see if I have something to keep myself busy if he didn't care about me at all?

Finally you know, a friend here at PC told me that he is going to come to India in February. I haven't heard from him since but I hope he does meet me when he visits India. That's something I look forward to...though it may be wrong to hold onto something as flimsy as this...

Well what I am doing now to fight the pain I am going through is this... I am trying to take it one day at a time till next February... and just trying to make it through the day. I make a to-do list each day which I try to follow.

Well that's about it all... but the pain is a lot... I am hurting quite a lot...and at times it seems never ending and impossible to tolerate.