Once again, I find myself asking that question. I seem to find a reason to reflect on things that have been said to me in the past. Things that were nice, things that were bad, things I can't even minutely comprehend.

I HATE myself and have for as far back as I can remember but even with that I do *think* (maybe I'm delusional) that maybe, just maybe, I might have one or two good qualities. But I always override them with my extreme self-loathing. But what really bothers me is when people accuse me of being some negative way that surprisingly enough I haven't attributed to myself already, in spite of my self-hatred. It's not that I've heard these things from only one person, if I had, maybe I could possibly pass it off, but when you hear it from a few or more, it makes me stop and wonder, how well do I *really* know myself. Do I do the horrible things that I'm so often accused of, I must or else why would I keep hearing it? It hurts that I need to add them to the already long list of reasons of why I self-loathe but maybe I shouldn't be ignoring them anymore. If people see me that way, then it must be true. Maybe I've been delusional of what kind of person I really am, even though I already hate myself. If they are true, and now I think they must be, then I'm far worse a person than I even thought I was. That hurts, it really, really hurts. I hated myself enough before and now I have to hate myself even more. How did I not recognize myself to be that way, why could I not see it. I've always been so willing to think the worst of myself but somehow I never believed them before. I guess I have to really take heed of them though, all those more horrible attributes that I don't want to believe could ever be me. They so go against who I really thought I was as a person but all this time I've been wrong, I've been fooling myself. But they all can't be wrong, it must be only me that is wrong, I never really ever knew myself at all.

So, I ask you do you think you really know who you are? This is not a thread to tell me I'm this wonderful person that I know I'm not, I wouldn't believe your words anyway. It's also not to get hugs, this is really not about me at all. I'll accept all those horrible things that I've often been accused of, I'll hate myself even more. But this is a thread only to find out, do you really think you know who you are? Do people say negative things about you that you don't want to believe but yet you hear those accusations so much? Just curious. Please, I only use myself as an example, keep your replies about yourselves and not about me. I don't deserve anything anyway. Your good words and hugs will all be wasted, I won't accept them and they won't penetrate to my heart and soul. I want to hear about you and you only.