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sarahsweets · Sep 16, 2019 at 12:34 PM

Hey
@jaymoq

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Originally Posted by jaymoq

He even killed one of my cats.

Did you call animal control or whatever organization handled this then?

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About 2 years later, he appeared behind me on my walk to work. Scared me to death. He told me he couldn't stop thinking about me. Couldn't live without me. I ran to my office. I told the guard at the front desk (I work in government). But he kept finding me. He showed up at my new apartment and threw rocks at the window. He wrote me love letters. He would appear in a crowd when I was out in public, or he would send me an email along the lines of "I really liked that yellow dress on you today."

ABSOLUTELY TERRIFYING.

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But, my husband decided we were splitting because I was seeing my stalker ex. So, the day the divorce papers were signed, he called my ex (how he tracked him down I do not know) and he told him something along the lines of "Come get her. She's free for the taking."

Your ex husband was a major asshole and I hope you told him so.

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My stalker ex drove from three states away, leaving his pregnant girlfriend, to find me. He showed up and instead of being rational, I was devastated after my divorce (even though it was amicable, it was still hard to lose your future) so I let myself be manipulated by this man. He squatted in the spare room of my house and told me everything I needed to hear about my failed relationship. However, within a day or two, he was the bitter and arrogant man I knew. He had brought guns with him and set up targets out back (I lived on acreage) and started shooting practice. He then started googling how to make bombs. He told me the government was watching him and sending satellites to see him. He was clearly disturbed. So I told him to leave. And that's when he started to hurt me. He said he'd leave when he was ready. That I wasn't the boss of him. I remember not truly understanding what was happening. He was there for two weeks and I retreated back to my same old pattern of believing the horrible things he said. It wasn't until he hurt me so bad I was afraid I'd die that I called my mom crying saying I was afraid I was going to die that she called the cops and told me to get in my car and drive away. He of course got in his car and started following me. The cops pulled us both over and arrested him right there on the spot.

This was all done wrong. He should have been arrested and kept in jail, had his guns removed and had a police escort to get his things.

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He was in jail then and I was feeling remorseful. I am angry at myself for feeling that way. The county I lived in was not protective at all. Even though I had a restraining order, they allowed him to come back after he was released on bond. They didn't allow me to testify. I wasn't involved at all in his hearing. He was given deferred adjudication. They then told me he was allowed to come to my house to "get his things". I was all alone. I did not have any friends or family. So I held on to a hammer and watched him load his things and leave. I did not give him his guns. He told me I was crazy and ruined his life, but left not to be seen again. His deferred adjudication was served in 2 years and his RO was lifted.

did you seek legal help?
Legal Center | Women Against Abuse

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This will not end. And if its not you it will be someone else.
He hacked my online e-diary and started commenting on it. I've changed emails and I've changed phone numbers. I've blocked him on Facebook. But every year, without fail, he reaches out. And-- even though I block him, it still scares me. Brings back all these memories. I feel lost. This haunts me. I still have nightmares about him.

Cyberstalking: Definition, Laws, and How to Stay Safe

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My boyfriend now doesn't understand. He has come from a physically abusive childhood, but he tells me this is different. He says I "could have gotten away". That I chose to be with my ex. Almost like this is my fault. He says "Just keep changing your email- problem solved". But, does it really? The fear I feel every time I get a message from me is damaging enough.

Frankly your current BF is being an insensitive jerk and needs some education.
Stalking | womenshealth.gov

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STALKING
Stalking is a crime. Stalking is a knowing repeated, purposeful course of conduct directed at a specific person that would cause a reasonable person mental injury or emotional distress, the threat of bodily injury, bodily injury, or death to him or herself or a member of her/his immediate family. It happens when someone repeatedly approaches, pursues or follows, threatens, harasses, trespasses on someone’s property, vandalizes, conducts surveillance, shows a weapon, restrains, or commits bodily injury against the victim. A stalker does these things to make the victims afraid – afraid that he or she will hurt, rape, kidnap or kill them or someone they love.

A stalker might follow the victim when she/he drives to work. He or she might wait for the victim outside of her/his home or office. A stalker might call the victim on the phone and make threats or hang up when the victim answers. Some stalkers slash tires, vandalize homes and threaten their victims with weapons. Some stalkers send flowers, gifts and cards.

Can Stalking Be Dangerous?

Yes. While a stalker’s harassment and threats might at first seem just annoying and a little scary, they often lead to serious violence. Someone who stalks is someone who could be dangerous. Stalkers have beaten, raped, and murdered the people they stalked. Take the threats seriously.

Although there is no standard way to assess the seriousness of a case, there are some factors that should be considered:

History of violence exhibited by the stalker.
Presence of physical abuse or domestic violence.
Presence or absence of threats. Verbal or written threats very frequently precede acts of violence.
Obsession with the same or similar victims over a period of time.
Destruction of property.
Access and approach behaviors of the stalker (Letter writing or face to face contact).
Knowing the mental status of the stalker.
Meaning or value the stalker places on the victim.
Knowledge of the relationship between the stalker and the victim.
Who Is Stalked?

80 % of stalking victims are women. Very often, battered women are stalked by their abusers, especially if they try to end the relationship. Most often, stalking involves people who have had a prior relationship. This relationship may have been a former spouse, employer, intimate partner or neighbor. In most cases the stalking began after the relationship had ended or when there was a perception by the stalker that he/she was mistreated. The stalking is an attempt to rectify the problem or seek revenge. Sometimes people stalk strangers or mere acquaintances.

Who Are Stalkers?

Stalkers can be black or white, rich or poor, employed or unemployed. Most stalkers are men, but women stalk, too. The best way to tell whether someone might stalk you is the way he or she acts. If someone you know or are close to shows several of the following dangers signs, consider taking precautions to protect yourself:

Frequent loss of temper
Extreme jealousy and controlling behavior
A belief that destiny led him or her to you, so you belong to the stalker in some way
Few close friendships and an over-dependence on you as a link to the world
Failure to accept responsibility for his or her own behavior, feelings and mistakes
Repeated discussions of death, suicide and weapons
Refusing to accept “no”
Vandalizing or destroying your property

[B]Stalking | womenshealth.gov
You are not alone- you just need the proper help.