Hi. I was curious if there are others like me who have been so depressed that they are celibate? I started my celibacy 6 years ago and have not deterred from it once. I used to be the polar opposite and was very hypersexual at one point.

I promised my doctor that I wouldn't get into a relationship of any kind until I was "better"... but that "better" has been a very long road. I am always depressed by the idea that I might end up alone forever... I deal with it. I don't even have the want or need to pleasure myself. I am pretty sure that is from the meds and such. I am still not "better" I am battling depression everyday and every night. I always worried that how long I have been depressed will spring back into mania.

I see other people who are couples and it makes me sad all the time. Because I know I am a good person and "deserve" a healthy relationship. I am also worried that being alone for so long, and doing so much self care that if I did choose to be dating and whatever that I may have to encounter a lot of triggers, drugs, drinking, etc. or even worse, cheating.

I don't want to expose myself to that stuff anymore and left it behind. When I was married, I was cheated on and it really scarred me. I almost did a very bad thing to myself. if you get my drift. because I was so hurt by what she had done. We ended up splitting because of it, but it was another long winded story I would rather not tell, at least not anytime soon. that was over 9 years ago. can anyone relate ? sorry this is so long. but I felt I had to get that out there to you folks. even though I am an extremely private person.