I'm back to thinking I'm better off dead. I don't even want to go see that b_tch. I'm having really strong suicidal urges still and no one can or will help me in a practical sense. It feels like when all the politicians say "thoughts and prayers" after a mass shooting but do jackshit to prevent another.
I don't even really know what's wrong with me. I just know I'm broken and seeing my pdoc just makes me panic because I HATE her. (and my area is short on pdocs so no chance of getting another)