{{{Kalamity Jane}}}

Okay, I don't see what you're saying. You were having extreme difficulties and arranged to have your kids well taken care of since you couldn't do it yourself. And? The problem is?

Looking from the inside out looks different than from the outside in. You sound like an absolutely wonderful mother given the difficulties and pressures you've been under (from the outside). I think you need to keep on healing your insides to match your wonderful-seeming outside.