Kalamity you are far from a horrible mother. You love your kids so much and you knew you wheren't in a postion to take care of them the way you needed to..you did the right thing. Your still involved with their lives and they know how much you love them. Your an amazing person that had to be so hard but you shouldn't be so upset with your decison. Your a wonderful person and a wonderful mother for being so unselfish and letting you children go when you knew that things were bad..Your absolutley amazing and I hope you find some peace and that things get better