Quote:
Originally Posted by fern46
Let me start by saying I never expect a response, even if I ask a question. Everyone here just wants what is best for you so respond if you want, don't if it is too much. We understand.
I read your post a couple of times. At first, I didn't really feel like I could relate. I've never experienced serious depression and I'm not sure I can assist with that. However, there was something in your story that caught my attention. Forgive me if this stings a little. Its just food for thought, ok? Take it if it resonates, discard it if it doesn't.
You mentioned you promised your doctor that you wouldn't begin a relationship until you are better. You've been waiting a long time. You've done a lot of work on yourself, but you feel you are still lacking. Meanwhile, you've cut yourself off from an important type of interaction you used to enjoy. You are seeing others happy in that way and it is making your depression worse. The root of some of this depression is an unhealthy relationship with your ex.
My mind is wondering this... Can you ever truly heal and be better without attempting to participate again in the very thing that helped to cause your issues? I feel like trying again and putting yourself out there could be the very thing you need to lift yourself up and out of the dark place you've been in. You're carrying a lot of fear and you need to find a way to let go of that. You were hurt deeply, but you survived it. You are a fighter. You have coping skills that you did not have before. You have strategies and a treatment team ready to help you should you need them.
You do not deserve to let what happened in the past continue to steal your joy. Right now its like your ex still has all the power. You see pain in relationships and I'm not sure how that will change unless you create new experiences of a different nature to lean on.
Relationships are messy and deeply emotional. If you're not ready, you're not ready. I don't want to push you. I just think maybe it is worth considering that healing may come from the very same place that contributed to what is broken. You've given this a lot of time alone. You have processed a great deal. Maybe putting yourself out there a little will help. You can keep it light and casual. There is no rule saying you have to jump in with both feet right away. It doesn't even have to be sexual. You can slowly work your way into all of that when it feels right.
I just wanted to toss that out. I wish you all the best no matter what you decide.
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Wow, what a reply...
I had to read that a few times also because it made me cry.
I don't think that anyone has ever put things in that perspective, with as much thought and wording all at once to me. Over the years I have been in therapy and being medicated, I have picked those things up during that time.
I apologize to anyone that may have been offended by my post. As I mentioned before it is very difficult for me to actually type a long reply to something, my brain and hands do not work that well together and it takes me a long time to get things out.
Now, Fern... I want to thank you for putting things in the light that you did, as I read I could tell that there was caring, empathy, love in your reply. You did an excellent job replying to me. Thank you for that. It means more than you know. Sometimes, we need to hear things that may sting, even if they are true and a source of pain for us.
I will give it some thought and maybe consider talking to someone. I want to talk to my doctor and read this post to him, see what he thinks. Because I know that mentally I would not be able to word things as you did. It will help me. I see him tomorrow so that will give me some time to digest this some more before then.
I loved my ex more than life itself and would have walked thru fire for her and then some. I committed myself to her whole heartedly but that was not good enough for her to stay with me. It's painful to even write about it now as I type this, even though, I am where I am today without her. It's something I never experienced like that and I do not want to ever go thru that again.
I have worked very hard to get where I am today, even though my life is not ideal today, it Is much better than it was after the downward spiral that that ordeal sent me into. It was the closest to death that I have ever been.
I am here today, for support and to find myself with like minded people who have like illnesses as myself to reach out and to find some kind of normal thinking.
It will be an interesting appointment tomorrow, my doctor has always advocated me getting into some type of socialization other than my two parrots, my son, and my mom and her hubby. I have hope and I can see things differently today than when I first joined PC not too long ago. The support here is great. Thank you so much for caring enough to reply.
/hug