Dear T: I'm actually looking forward to seeing you tomorrow, if nothing else, for these unrelenting suicidal thoughts. I am glad I saw you for a minute or two yesterday just to tell you, "See you Wednesday." It's weird that I've seen the Pdoc twice since I've seen you. He is probably more helpful. At least he didn't tell me to bake. I'm curious to know whether you will be seeing clients after 12/31/19. If not, maybe I should just take a break from therapy. Maybe I'm just being a wimp and not wanting to find a new therapist. It's just so hard to find one. I hope you have something helpful to say tomorrow rather then, just do more baking, or some such nonsense. That is not enough to help my depression and suicidal thoughts. I'm anxious though that you won't be seeing clients after 12/31/19. But maybe you will move to a new agency. Or just keep your other job. It's weird you have two jobs. I guess there's not enough demand up here?