I've experienced something like this at times. I've quit things before that I was excited about and that would have benefited me. It made me feel a little like a failure because everything I gave up was easily within my reach. It was me standing in my own way every time. It was irrational fears or obstacles I created that kept me from doing what I wanted.

It seems like you can clearly see the pattern now. That's really awesome. I think it gives you the opportunity to do the work to change it. You can't effectively shift what you cannot see.

So you're feeling dread about your volunteer work. You can run, but then you'd be continuing with the pattern. Instead maybe set a new expectation for yourself. Tell yourself that you're going to sit with the discomfort and push through it anyway. Tell yourself it will just be a few hours and then you'll have time for self care. Go ahead and maybe plan a reward for yourself for sticking with it to give you something to look forward to.

You mentioned in another thread you are not liking the assignment to answer the phones. I can see how that might feel uncomfortable for a number of reasons. I suppose the worst thing that could happen is you accidentally hang up on someone or misroute their call. That would be a small mistake and one you could laugh about. No big deal. I know it may sound hokey, but maybe practice a little today at home. Practice what you'll say when you answer and maybe even practice making a mistake so you can feel your way through that a little. Remind yourself that the phone is just a symbol of your pattern. You've already identified the obstacle, and now you just need to face it and climb over it.

I feel like you can do this. Change is within your reach. There's also nothing wrong with you if you stick within your pattern, but I have every faith you can change it if you set your will to do so. You're already ahead of the game because you identified the pattern and the obstacle. Good luck BirdDancer. I hope therapy helps.