i am so sorry for your losses. it must have been so hard especially as they were unexpected. i too had ptsd from unexpected losses (of my pets). i know it is hard to face the pain but if you don't process it it will just fester and could affect your physical health too. i tried journaling, in-person and online grief support groups, but for me, i needed to say things out loud and privately so i preferred one-on-one sessions. i even had counseling by phone. you could even try just saying things out loud to yourself.

grief can also be entangled with personal issues one had with the lost loved one so there is often a lot to process. it took me many years and a lot of self-reflection and hard work to finally feel better so my thoughts are with you. wishing you well on your journey.