I agree that my priority should be my wife. But, my wife's reactions
to my mom have been way over the top and is bordering abnormal.
She has asked me to ask them to get out of town [they have a house
here, they have developed friends in the area, etc. etc.]. She is not
even willing to stand them being in the same town as us. She once kept calling my
mom until 4 am every 15 minutes [my mom wouldn't pick up the phone]
just to "bug" her. She also threatened to burn their house,
throw stones at my mom, etc. etc.

I am not defending my mom -- I think she has her flaws just like
any one else, but she is not the DEVIL! She is a very loving person
who has been under a lot of stress because she is caregiver to 2
people with psych disorders-- my 80 year old dad who has moderate Alzheimer's
and my 47 year old sister who has Schizophrenia.

My wife expects me to be accepting of her family, to move somewhere
so she can be close to her brother, sister, or mom, but is not
willing to meet me half way ... I don't expect her to ever talk to
my mom, but at the very least I expect her to give me the right
to see my mother and for my kids to see their grand parents once in a while.

Getting married does not mean going into servitude by the husband --
both man and wife need to compromise and to accept to some degree
the other person's wishes.