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girlbassplayer: Since my grandfather has died I have felt really confused. It made me really sad to think I would never see him again (since I don't believe in heaven). It's made me want to be religious but I just can't do it (sounds silly).

Even with that I have found myself thinking "Can he see me doing this?" when I do stupid stuff (like drink).

Years ago when my grandmother died I recall going through a similar process, including wondering if my grandmother could "see" me doing things considered "bad" or "sinful". I think it's natural to question and wonder what becomes of our loved ones when they die, to ask ourselves Where do they go?, and thus, where will we go when we too pass out of this world? Our understanding of Death shapes our understanding of Life for they are opposite faces on the same coin.

To answer these questions we turn to spiritual, religious, philosophical or scientific resources and we can get confused at that point because there are so many different perceptions out there. The troubling thing is, the questions we have can't truly be answered until we die ourselves -- anything else is only opinion, even if it's well informed opinion. And even when we do die, we still may not know the answer if we no longer possess a sense of consciousness to reflect the answer. But searching for those answers will shape our belief systems and personal values, and thus, the way we respond to the events of our lives.

I have found myself intimately grappling with these questions each time I have faced death in whatever form it presents itself. In my quest to understand death I have been to some far-flung places and I still don't have all my answers but I have some personal beliefs that offer me meaning and sustenance. I suspect that this is how we prepare ourselves for our own deaths and learn to come to peace with it.

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On Death

Than Almitra spoke, saying, "We would ask now of Death."
And he said:
You would know the secret of death.
But how shall you find it unless you seek it in the heart of life?
The owl whose night-bound eyes are blind unto the day cannot unveil the mystery of light.
If you would indeed behold the spirit of death, open your heart wide unto the body of life.
For life and death are one, even as the river and the sea are one.
In the depth of your hopes and desires lies your silent knowledge of the beyond;
And like seeds dreaming beneath the snow your heart dreams of spring.
Trust the dreams, for in them is hidden the gate to eternity.
Your fear of death is but the trembling of the shepherd when he stands before the king whose hand is to be laid upon him in honour.
Is the sheered not joyful beneath his trembling, that he shall wear the mark of the king?
Yet is he not more mindful of his trembling?
For what is it to die but to stand naked in the wind and to melt into the sun?
And what is to cease breathing, but to free the breath from its restless tides, that it may rise and expand and seek God unencumbered?
Only when you drink from the river of silence shall you indeed sing.
And when you have reached the mountain top, then you shall begin to climb.
And when the earth shall claim your limbs, then shall you truly dance.

Source: The Prophet - Kahil Gibran


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