Hi Omers,
sorry to hear that you're in the pits at the moment...

I've just had sth similar happening, have been feeling emotionally extremely instable for weeks. I might have turned a corner (I hope, keeping fingers crossed) - things have been starting to light up for the last few days, which is much appreciated by me.

Some thoughts that are crossing my mind and that might be worth looking at:

- did you change your meds recently (like the last 4 or 6 weeks)? Med changes and/or tapering tend to throw me really off balance, like volatile mood swings, massive urges to self-harm, sui thoughts and images that are disturbingly graphic in nature...

- I haven't got a clue whether you're female or not, also I don't know whether this applies to you agewise: Could menopause be a factor? If so, phytohormones could bring some relief, albeit not instantly, but longer term. Better check w/ your doctors with regard to interactions with your other meds as well.

- I recently had undetected high blood pressure (which wouldn't come down again, which it used to do all the years before). And it propelled me into a real emotional roller coaster (in the worst sense). Weepy, suicidal, hopeless, desperate... When medication for blood pressure kicked in, things started to get better almost instantly. My GP (who specializes in psychosomatics) said later, that at some point you have this chicken/egg thing with high blood pressure. Which can be a symptom when you're afraid or in panic. So when the blood pressure is on constant high, our subconscious picks up on this, and reports "panic-alarm" to the more conscious regions of the brain, and body and brain might exarcabate each other's state, some sort of vicious cycle...

- if you're prone to thyroid issues you might want to get your thyroid leves checked.

So, basically, what I'm trying to say: Sometimes there are can be real somatic reasons for emotional imbalances, or they might contribute the decisive straw that breaks the camel's back. Might be worth looking into, since there's concrete options for controling that aspect of the equation. Doesn't mean that all is rainbows and unicorns afterwards, but it might help you to reach calmer waters, where you're not constantly afraid of drowning...

So maybe, getting an extra session with your T plus booking an appointment with you GP might be yet another option?

All the best! Sending you a warm hug.
c_r

[Edit: Typo]