Quote:
Originally Posted by Wander
Last night I was beside myself. I was exhausted, but wanted to rush around, I felt impulsively suicidal for no reason, my insides were flipping around making being still very uncomfortable, and my mind was raging with wild, racing thoughts. It was like a mixed state. As I could no longer bear it I took 25 mg of Seroquel which I keep for emergencies. Nothing. So I had more and finally fell asleep. This morning I feel calm and ok but I’m worried about what’s in store for me.
All these symptoms I believe are due to me tapering off Lithium. Lithium never stopped a mixed state so I doubt it is a re-emergence of Bipolar. It has been three weeks since I started tapering. Six days since awful physical, now emotional, symptoms started, and I am only 5/8th’s the way off Lithium. For now I’m going to sit at this dose till things calm down. F***ing meds!
On top of this those closest to me are fed up with me being unwell or dealing with this kind of stuff so I have no one to talk to outside my T. Maybe that’s enough. It just hurts that I’ve burnt out those close to me. I’ve lost many relationships before so I’m keeping my mouth shut and talking about fluffy stuff.
Last night worried me. The feeling of being mixed is almost unbearable. I’m trying to move forwards in my life but keep getting stuck. I need to be in good health off Lithium. I’ve come off benzodiazepines before and this is just as bad. Guess all I can do is push on, and try and have some fun along the way.
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"I am trying to move forwards in my life but keep getting stuck."
Wander, It's so true! You do keep trying to move forward and you repeatedly get disappointed. Yet, you have not given up.
I really admire you for all you go through and how you keep a positive attitude.
It can be very sad and very frustrating to feel like our friends and family are putting some space between them and us. It can feel very disappointing that we cannot share as much as we feel we might need to share with just anyone; yet, at the same time, it is important to chose carefully the people we open up to.
Maybe it feels like there is absolutely nobody left with whom you can relate? Are there any groups around with whom you might relate? Any therapeutic groups? Any social groups?
Has your significant other been well enough to support you?
I hope you do not feel so all alone.. i hope you will locate some people who deal with some of the same obstacles as you and are happy to share with you.
We are always here for you; yet, it is nice to have support IRL, too.