hi... i've just registered with this site and have been reading a few of the posts, I guess like most people, trying to suss out if I'm in the right place, are there like minded people here, you know, the usual reservations... I'm tempted to just keep typing, and spill my guts, so to speak, but i'm afraid that would take up precious space on this site... here's the short version - female, 30, single parent, 1 child aged 2 and a half/3rd birthday coming up far too soon!! Time flies.... I've battled (is that the right term??) with depression for all of my adult life - at least since I was 16, altough i haven't given much thought to my childhood so can't be sure. I have long periods of time where i seem to be fine/normal. But the times where i become absorbed by the blackeness and dispair of this 'depression' always return,and no matter what i do/read/try/recognise/admit to myself, it never goes away. I am about to start (for the 2nd time, 1st didn't work out) some cognitive behaviour therapy with a psychologist i haven't met yet. Anyway, my 'depression' usually follows the same patterns.... insomnia, dreams, crying fo rno reason, anxiety, feeling insecure, like a failure, worthless, listless, lifeless, don't want to get up, don't want to go out, the difference with me is i have a toddler and we have a great relationship, i feel like i'm a good mother and i cope with the day to day things on my own and i also have a full time job and a home which i manage to hold together. This makes ne think that i have no right to feel depressed. i cope during the day, then at night i fall apart. And i just seem to keep falling. I've been like this for what seems like forever, i don't think i've ever been truly suicidal, but i admit i have thought about how things would be if i wasn't alive anymore... i would like to stress that since having a child i haven't thought like that at all, even through the times of 'baby blues' when my depression became worse. But now what? Does therapy really work? What happens if i clam up again and can't bring myself to talk about anything?

Hmmm... not such a short version after all...