Sometimes it seems so unreal that I am struggling with so much depression. Today has been a really bad day at work, just too much pressure and too much anxiety, and too many weird things that I don't normally have to deal with, today I had to deal with them and I'm used to my comfortable routine of what I need to accomplish at work. I know that my coworkers have no idea that I struggle with depression. I show up everyday, I do my job, I sometimes can make small talk, not always, but I give it a good shot. I get my work done on time, etc. But I realized today in dealing with some stuff with the controller that I missed a few things, that normally I wouldn't have missed. Details, but still. So I'm being really hard on myself and feeling like I'm not a good employee and beating myself down, when in all actuality, I know I'm doing my best. It's not easy coming to work with suicidal thoughts. Jumping over to websites that are there to help you if you're suicidal, or texting a helpline while I'm working. I've had depression for so long that I just suck it up and deal with it. But those details I missed are really going to get to me. I know it will. I don't want my coworkers to think less of me. But I don't want to admit to them that I'm at a breaking point. So I just continue on, day after day. About the details I missed, one thing I used to tell myself when stuff like this would happen is, in ten years, is this going to matter? I can confidently say no. So it helps me to let it go and not SH or take it out on myself another way. Just now it's something I have to be aware of. Thanks for listening, couchies, ya'll are the best. HUGS kit