My father was a drinker and would frequently blame my mother and everyone else for all the wrongs in his life. My mother shouldered the responsibility for his drinking like a true martyr. She cleaned him up, stroked his ego, bowed to is every demand, and made him feel like he was the king of the castle. What I remember most about my childhood was her always feeling guilty, always looking unhappy, and me hating her for being such an idiot. I swore I would never marry a drinker. Unfortunately, what I saw as just a drinking problem must have been something else. Because here I am feeling responsible and guilty for someones' problems and misfortune. My husband doesn't drink but he is an expert at playing the guilt game just the same. And I am excellent at allowing myself to be sucked into. Now I'm hating myself and feeling like the idiot.

You cannot fix him and more than you could have broken him. He is responsible for himself. He can't handle his own guilt and shame so he is pushing it off on you. I know it is easy to say to others, but a lot harder to stop yourself from getting sucked into it. We've got to fight the current, the responsibilities separated.

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now i feel that i cannot leave him because if i do, he might do something to himself and i don't want to carry that on my conscience.

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If you really believe what he says... that it was (is) YOU who is causing him so much grief, and who is causing him to drink or be depressed, who is keeping him from whatever... THEN leaving him might not be such a bad thing... It would be an act of love... you would be setting him free from the burden that is making him depressed.

For me...my conscience only works in one direction... I am responsible for all bad outcomes regardless. Stay...go...either way if things get worse I will be my fault.

Try to take care of yourself (take responsibility for yourself) and let him carry his own guilt.