This is a good and valuable topic to discuss here.

It wasn’t due to lack of money that I didn’t end it. It was because I really do love him and we are a family. Plus, I have never been and am terrified to be completely alone.

Mine is not a situation of him being physically or verbally abusive. It’s insidious emotional abuse in the form of sexual neglect and awkward dysfunction. In the quarter century of me telling him over and over who I am, what I like and need, without ever changing those words, he still doesn’t get me! It’s the same dysfunctional pattern. It puts me into a horrible mood. I eventually pull out of the mood. Rinse. Repeat.

Now, I take some responsibility that I must have a mood disorder. Maybe somehow I contribute to the toxic dance. He definitely plays his role. It’s confusing. Countless therapists have not been helpful.

Thankfully now I am on some anxiety meds that help me with quickly letting go of the anger and moving on with my day without bottoming out like before. I know and accept what this is.

Believe it or not, he and I have a really great friendship outside of the bedroom, and once we do have sex, which somehow we have continuously had over all this time, the actual sex is good. It’s an initiation thing.

So I have a man who says he loves me, acts like a good friend, doesn’t act cruel, just conveniently neglectful of my sexuality. So I accepted it and stayed in the relationship.

Plus, out of all the many, many couples I have known, most all the women tell me, and I witness, that those men are jerks, too. So, what do I think I am going to find to replace him? Do I want to be alone and celibate?

And then there’s the thought that much of this may be my doing somehow because I truly have a disorder. I feel lucky this man chose me and stays with me. I’m sure I’m no picnic for him. He’s got quite a lot going for him and I feel he’s definitely the better ‘catch’ than me! How’s that for self esteem? Lol