((((((((((kalamity jane))))))))))
I truly understand how you feel- 3yrs ago I was in the same position, but through a lot of hard work and a bit of luck I got my daughter back with me last year. Things are still really tough, but I am learning to accept the help that is offered to me. You are lucky to have the best of both worlds- the time and space to heal yourself, and knowing that your children are in great care and that you can see them grow up safe and happy knowing that you are there and DO care for them. Don't beat yourself up about this. You have done what you needed to do to keep your family safe and well. Take care.