I find the medication dulls or tames my moods. Tamed is a good word. For me, that's a good thing. I take lamictal, buspar, Klonopin, and a small dose 100 mg of Seroquel for sleep, along with 1 mg of Risperdal. I find the Risperdal does nothing. I was on Seroquel 300 XR for 2 years and I felt dead inside, but it was better than ruining my life with hypomania and mixed episodes. I stopped the Seroquel XR last year and I have more energy now. I was on Abilify for the month of April and I went right off the rails with hypomania almost immediately after taking it. We stopped that med and are trying Risperdal instead. No more hypomania, but I am slightly depressed. I can't find a happy medium. I'm beginning to think that's impossible.
Lithium made me gain 40 pounds and by 2015 I weighed 200 pounds. I'm 5'2". I'm down to 140 now. I cut out coffee (2 creams, 2 sugars), milk chocolate, and quit eating peanut butter. Some of my meds reduce my appetite, so that helped too. I take 11 different meds in total, with my other physical conditions.
I was diagnosed with bipolar in 2013, at the age of 59. My life from age 50 to 60 was very difficult. In 8 years I had 14 jobs. I was also on unemployment twice and on welfare once, during that same period. I ended up on disability in 2013, and I'm now "retired" lol. Canada (or at least my province) cuts off disability when you reach age 65, and then you get a pension. Like now I'm a senior miraculously healed by turning 65.
I've also had to deal with trauma and past abuse. Therapy did wonders, but I had to go to intensive group therapy sessions twice. One group therapy I went to was at the mental health wing at the hospital and was 5 days a week for 10 weeks (outpatient). Another group was for survivors of abuse and lasted 11 weeks, one evening per week. I did both therapy sessions twice before I got the messages. I don't know where I'd be now without that therapy.
This forum is great for making me realize that what I feel is "normal" for bipolar. I'm not that weird after all. I think. There's always a qualifier when I think or speak now. The drugs took my self assurance away when they took my short term memory. From reading our posts, there seems to be a lot of common experiences people have had. That makes me feel better in some way, to know I'm not alone.