I sometimes violate the rule (my T suggested it but she was right), but it is best not to discuss what was discussed in therapy. Our spouses aren't doing us any favours either when they pry or suggest what we need to work on.

What a cop out! If your wife has concerns, she should say why rather than deferring to your therapist. Our friends and spouses can help us as much as our Ts do if they try to be staightforward, openminded, and try to really listen. Not saying it is alway easy to have these conversations but referring to your T like this is like saying, "I can't deal with you" IMO. I say this while saying I have my own challenges in regards to how I respond to my spouse. It can be hard but the next time she says something like that--perhaps discuss?