I feel so run down, depressed, upset and worried. It is cold and rainy outside which matches my mood. I'm sleepy and would like to take a nap but I can't sleep. This past week was very tiring and upsetting. My Mom has been having some medical problems and her doc called me and told me about one of her tests, a CEA had a very high number. This could mean that she has a possible cancer somewhere in her abdomen or the breast. I knew what the test meant because I worked 23 years in pathology. Her endoscopy didn't show anything that looked like cancer, only irritation, possibly H.pylori which is a bacteria that is curable. She goes to her reg doc on the 23rd and the doc is going to tell her then. She will have to have more x-rays and testing. I hope from her head to her toes. I told my sisters so I'm sure they will be there too. Although I have prayed for her and I want to be positive, I'm just scared. I've seen this in my career and once that is ingrained in your mind it's hard to look on the positive side. even though she doesn't understand me and my illness, I don't know what I will do without her. I want to cry but only a few tears will come. I'm so hungry and I don't want to cook. I'm trying hard to not eat so much fast food because it is so expensive and fattening. I have gained so much weight since Thanksgiving. I started back on my sugar pills, whoo-p-do. I know I'm being sarcastic and I'm sorry. I'm just so screwed up now. I see my T on Tuesday and I can't wait. I owed my T and Psychdoc $500. I pay what I can and my T is only charging what medicare pays and not charging the co-pay. That is so nice of her. She is a wonderful person and such a free-spirit. I think she is crazier than me. Oh well, enough of this babble. All of you that believe please pray for my Mom. Thanks guys and hugs to all of you that are struggling, you are in my heart. pj56