This relationship sounds so toxic and I’m sorry you are in it.

What strikes me about this is that you have all this horrific scenes, yet you (or your husband) keep seeing them faithfully and having a relationship.

Personally, I went through one silly struggle over nothing with my family and no one ever spoke to each other again!

You love your husband. He loves his parents. They are causing you too much stress. Your keeping away from them is probably the best thing for you to do for now. Let him see them by himself, even with the kids, as you have been and just don’t go yourself. It sounds like that’ what you’ve been doing and maybe that’s the best thing for now for everyone. It doesn’t sound like your kids are getting physically hurt. Your FIL’s hands with raw chicken on them was dealt with effectively. Hopefully your husband can protect your kids from stuff like that? That would be my biggest concern— Are the children safe when they visit without you there?

If you love your husband, just hang in there and don’t interact with his toxic parents, who really trigger you.