For God's sake T, I just wanted you to hold me! Not just at the end, but as soon as I blinkin arrived! You couldn't sense that was what I wanted. Last week I shut down and you asked me what I wanted you to say or do, and at the time the pressure wasn't so intense, so I didn't say anything. I got the sense you would have hugged me there and then if I'd asked, or sat with me or something. Today I desperately needed that, just to calm things down inside me, but I couldn't ask and you didn't say anything so I sat there with the pressure inside boiling over until I thought I was going to pass out or puke. And when you finally did hold me I felt I just couldn't bear to let you go, ever! I wish you'd done that earlier, it was all I wanted. I'm so scared that if I say this you will say no, one hug only. Or stop hugs altogether. And then what?