As a Christian I want to say that God is real. He is not a feeling. Fear, anger, depression, hate, nausia, gas and cramps are feelings. We will never experience God the same. Some may feel a sense of peace or joy, others may cry or laugh and some may feel nothing at all. But that doesn't mean that He's not there.
Razzle, my friend, He is much closer than many of us dare to believe. And I believe that when it comes to God choice plays a big part. Choosing to believe or not, choosing to forgive yourself or not, choosing to let go or hold on tighter. But the more we hang on the harder it becomes. Tat2 is correct, many are not ready to let go and let God. It's the idea that if "I don't do it, it won't get done." I was there and it was a hard lesson to learn.
Pray, never stop, but also never stop believing that your prayer were heard. You asked for help and He gave you what you needed. He gave you me and many, many others here at PsychCentral. Stay golden my friend, I am praying for you and will keep encouraging you.