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I think both my parents did the best they could with what they knew. From their perspective I can understand a bit, but not all of it.
I relate to the shame, blame, and I was also told I'd be shamed for something, never really understanding what they meant. But that feeling of "hide", I get you on that. Hide the emotion or you'll be told your stupid, or weak. Hide, from their chaos.
I hope you do get peace from this.
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