I feel too grown up for this so it’s been really bothering me lately. For as long as I can remember I’ve escaped my life through “characters” with there own lives in my head. These characters aren’t necessarily me but I feel in some ways shares a lot of my struggles and traits. I can see their lives as if from my own perspective. As a kid I’d space out a lot not realizing it and it’d make my parents mad because I didn’t hear them speak to me. So I always got exited to go to bed so I could zone out without anybody knowing. As time has gone by, they evolved a bit, but in many ways I feel like they are still the exact same individuals. “Playing” or “talking” with them always made me feel less lonely and some things that happened in my life seemed to be transferred to them in a way I could cope. I have since made the characters into a story because I always just liked them, they felt sort of real to me. I described an event that happened to one character that my stepmom informed me had happened to me. (I did not want her to read my writing but she did anyway) I had no memory of this event. I just know that was what happened to my character.

My concern is, I’m 22 and I always assumed I’d stop doing this by now. But I still space out, even at work, and find myself almost interacting with or being these characters... I’m not sure if I’m explaining it right. I still feel like they’re right there with me as much as I did when I was little. Sometimes I’ll even go about my day zoned out and I have very little memories of the things I’d said or done. People will tell me things and I don’t believe it because that just doesn’t sound like me at all. It’s not something I would say or do. Not that it was bad. It just was unlike me. Sometimes I’m also aware, but I feel oddly like I’m not in full control and I’ll say and do things and it’s almost like I’m watching from the back. Like in a dream where you can’t control what you’re doing and everything is a little fuzzy. I know it sounds a lot like DID but I don’t think it’s as extreme as that. Honestly I’m just very confused.

I wanted to keep this short so I won’t say much more, but if anyone has questions I’ll answer them. I’m just wondering if anyone else experiences this or if they know what’s going on? Thank you!