I am TRULY, DEEPLY SORRY that you're going through ALL OF THIS and that you're hurting and struggling SO BADLY! I COMPLETELY AGREE WITH WHAT THE WISE AND WONDERFUL SKEEZYKS AND OPEN EYES HAVE ALREADY KINDLY, GLADLY, WISELY, BEAUTIFULLY AND WONDERFULLY SAID BETTER THAN I EVER COULD! I can deeply relate, @simu62. I, too, long for the past that I will never have again! So yes, I COMPLETELY understand what you mean! Since yo're saying that your parents won't let you see a therapist on your own, is it possible for you to see a School Counselor? I feel like that may REALLY help you! If you can't do that either, are there ANY family members that may help you out with this? Any friends? Perhaps your teachers at school? ANYONE in your Life? Please do try to seek help from WHOEVER CAN HELP AND FROM WHOEVER YOU DO TRUST! Feel free to PM me ANYTIME when you need advice and support or even simply someone to talk to! I am SURE plenty of others will also KINDLY, GLADLT, WISELY, BEAUTIFULLY AND WONDERFULLY help you out as well! Sending many safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @simu62, your family, your friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking! I am TRULY, DEEPLY SORRY that you're going through ALL OF THIS and that you're hurting and struggling SO BADLY! KEEP FIGHTING AND KEEP ROCKING!