Still strong urges to self harm. Took another blazing hot shower which helped a little. Now I’m trying to focus on getting through to seeing my therapist tomorrow. She may have some words of wisdom for me. She almost always does. She’s given me plenty of “thinking exercises” in the past but I can’t remember any right now. Hopefully she will remind me.

I barely did anything at work today. I got some grades in which is good. My classes were unproductive. I kept telling myself I’ll do better tomorrow but I don’t know if I will. I’m going to try. I just feel like crying but I’m so dead inside I can’t cry. This is how depression manifest for me.

At least RS is trying to be understanding. My husband used to just yell at me. RS is making sure to give me lots of hugs and tell me how much he loves me. It helps a little.

Now I have a headache, which I tend to get when very stressed. About to just close my eyes and lay here listening to music.