Bermuda,
Proud of you for 3 days with no drinking that's great! Glad to see too that you posted again and getting involved. Thanks also for sharing the song and reading you've been doing. I love stuff like that and have always been fascinated by the brain. There's a line in a song by this band Interpol, "tell them now your pleasure's set upon slow release." I don't know if I ever fully understood it until you saying that. Maybe that's what the writer intended.
Quote:
Originally Posted by BermudaRectangle
"To fix your broken heart, you have to identify these voids in your life and fill them, and I mean all of them. The voids in your identity: you have to reestablish who you are and what your life is about. The voids in your social life, the missing activities, even the empty spaces on the wall where pictures used to hang.
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This is great.... I would say to you, try to think of it in terms of, not only a broken heart for this woman that you think you messed it up with (you did but no sense in beating yourself up more), but think of it as a broken heart for yourself... Your true self, without any external things like alcohol, women, etc. defining who you are. That person (true self) has been neglected it seems like, and I say that because up until 2 months ago, I was also doing that, just with no booze and less immediate and harsh consequences. I still found myself finding my pleasure and worth from external things. When I realized this, and started thinking back... it is almost embarrasing to say but I had lived my whole life that way. From my rough childhood onward I was just kind of existing and being as nice as I could while trying to hide the rage I felt inside. Still am really, but I have had an awakening and I can't explain it fully. But, after that awakening I setup counseling immediately and had my second counseling session today so I am moving forward and listening mostly to what the counselor suggests.
The real you is still there and has been the whole time. This is an opportunity of self discovery, and just from how much you've shared already, it seems like you have so much to share and give, and appreciate within yourself. At this time try as best you can to be kind to yourself. Your mind will proably be going 1000 mpm, but not everything needs to be analyzed and figured out, it's mostly just noise at this point. Think about self care as priority #1, basics like eating, drinking water, and sleeping. That is a part of getting back to a routine. There are online A.A meetings available and chat rooms if your cravings get very tough, I would search for them online. Some are forums like this one. One I found helpful is (soberrecovery.com). Another thing I found helpful is journaling. Try to keep the focus on yourself and withold judgement on what you write.
Finally, something that was helpful for me was finding an addiction counselor. They are a great resource and outside perspective on our lives. Again good to see you. And sorry if this seems preachy I don't intend for it to be in the least bit. Best of luck today to you