Hello,

Can you please give me your advice if my girlfriend has borderline or other mental problem ?

I stayed more then 1yr of relation (16 months) with my girlfriend. After just weeks of meeting her she already invites me to her house to live together, tells me that I am the greatest she had ever met etc. Fast in the beginning she did almost everything for me, but afetrwards she became more and more often distant/angry without any reason.

Short describtion of her (I thought it was very interesting as I discovered her background!)

- 32 yrs old and says never had long/stable relationship
- very shy, not confortable, very low self esteem even tho she looks good
- very submissive in bed, does everything sexually
- she did not had many ex boyfriends, she had “adventures” but also longer at max 1yr relationship (she dumped some of her ex boyfriends just like that, after she got upset for little things)

- she changes mood very quickly, she cries a lot, gets upset for little things and not talk a whole day (some days she’s very attached to me, some days she ignores me totally)

- she talks very little with her parents, brother, does not have many friends and does not talk much

- she dated even 3 guys in the same time for not serious relationships, not very faithful, sometimes she accepted to go to a men house after 10 min of talking (not directly for sex from first meeting, but to get intimate, kissing etc)

- sometimes she says she wants even children with me, other day when she gets angry she says she is not made for having a relationship, that she had enough of me and she prefers to be lonely

- she admits that for her in general a relation is good to have only if it is very intense, if not is better to be alone, and that she can leave even after 10yrs of relation if is not intense

As the time passed, her "cycles" of idealization/devaluation started to get worse and worse:

First months she was getting upset and crying only after a little fight we had; after a couple more of moths passed 1-2 weeks she was ok with me (but not as how she was in the beginning), 2-3 days she ignored me or she's mean without a real reason; the last months she's cycled as 2-3 days nice with me, 1-2 days getting upset, mad for nothing and not talking much.

So every week she was getting at least 1 time upset for NO real reason.

Her moods are changing more often too, each day when I go home I feel that I find a different person (either detached, either happy, either depressed, either normal, either nervous etc)

She also said she wants to break up with me several times, but afterwards, if she sees that we can definitely break up, she starts acting nice again

Finally she started more and more often her cycles of getting angry without reason and telling we should dump each other, I should leave etc

And so I packed and leaved for a few days, then she started acting very very nice that she desperately wants me back.

I came back, and in 1-2 weeks she started slowly again to be mean without reason, not talk etc

So I left again, this time forever I hope.

2 weeks had passed, I do talk with her, and she sends me messages all the time that she wants me to came back, that I am her greatest thing, she promise she will change etc etc

Basically I saw all the BPD relationship stages: intense idealization in the beginning, more and more frequent devaluation (not very intense, but distant from me, not talking, getting upset) as the time passed, afterwards even told me several times to dump each other, and when I really left an intense hoovering (promised everything that she can change etc)

She does not have very intense impulsivity (throwing objects etc), but she is often irritable, angry, very distant and does not talk, for no reason.

She has big fear of abandonment, often feeling of emptiness, concentration problems, big mood changes for now reason, periods feeling down, does not sleeps very well, gets very concerned for very little things.


What do you think? Do you think she has Borderline?

Thank you