I have done that too, where I swore that I wrote a post, but then looked for it and couldn't find anything. I understand that. You certainly have more experience with hospitalizations and such then I do. I think it was very loving of your hubby to not tell you about your episodes.

I don't understand how people think of their psychosis as magical or marvelous, so I get what you are saying there also. When I had my last episode, I had the persecutory kind. I don't want to experience that again. It was very dark and scary. I hope you are doing well and that things are calm for you now. / hugs