My therapist told me I have to change my neuro pathways. She said I am hardwired to believe that I can’t teach and that unless I rewire everything I will continue to suffer. She didn’t say any of this in a mean way, just as a means to help me. I’m going to try the things she suggested and see if it makes any difference.

I’m so ****ed up right now. I’m getting suicidal. Thought about but I obviously didn’t. Because I don’t actually want to die. I just want this to stop. I can’t go IP again. I might be able to do a program but I don’t want to have to. I’m trying so hard but I don’t think I can make it.

My therapist said just try her suggestions until next Friday and then see where we stand. I think I can do that. I’m not sure though. I’m going to try.

I just want to cry.