KC, please never think you are intruding. Support forums are just that, for support! If none of us posted, there'd be no support!! & the way I always see it is when someone posts, it helps others think 'bout their own lives from different perspectives. For me, I get those AHA moments, like Now I understand!
As for the hurting yourself, I understand that too. I don't cut or anything, just hit. You're doing the right thing in not hurting yourself. I had asked my T once, 'cos I was suicidal, if she would send me away (one of my biggest fears). She said thinking 'bout it is different than actually having the proverbial knife to wrist. When you talk 'bout it, you're still serious 'bout wanting to do it, but you're also serious 'bout wanting to STOP yourself from doing it.
Please keep us informed on what's happening. We do care here!
Love,
RhysMadison