I have to get bloodwork done regularly for clozapine, and my last CBC came back with elevated white blood cell count and some other concerning things. My doctor is going to contact a hematologist to see if he needs to do more aggressive testing.

I was nervous at first, but now all I can think of is good riddance to my life. If this turns out to be something serious, oh well. Just let me die.

I'm trying to challenge these thoughts as best as I can, but it's hard.