I’m sorry you have been struggling with this issue for a long time.

Human behavior and relationships are really complicated. Most of us start learning these dynamics by watching others and trial and error from childhood.

There’s some condition that is preventing you from understanding.

I wish I could do a good job of explaining all these subtleties to help you but I can’t. It’s too complex.

But for simple advice— Keep doing what you call “regular nice” and stop doing what you call “looking up to people “ or being “extra nice “. You are invading people’s boundaries. You are doing stalker behavior. That’s why they are calling it creepy and avoiding you. It is very scary for people to be on the receiving end of that.

Also, your work supervisors would likely get fired for getting too intimately involved with their staff, so they are especially keeping their distance.