I used to be similar to her, but I honestly had no idea what the results of my behavior were. It took someone I cared about a lot being direct with me, but he had that magical ability to be confrontational while being very kind too and I valued his opinions a lot.

That said, she could entirely be aware of what she's doing, or she could resist any attempts at being direct with her despite kindness. If she rejects someone being direct about the issues, it will end up a case of her never learning or learning the hard way, whether that means pushing all of her friends away or having someone snap at her in a less than constructive way.

Regardless, you and your other friends do not have to put up with that sort of crap.