Please do consider going inpatient if you're feeling so bad, @puzzclar! There's ABSOLUTELY NO SHAME in doing that! I am here if you need me and if you need advice and support OF ANY KIND! So are many others such as Fuzzybear and MANY, MANY, MANY, MANY OTHERS, I AM SURE OF THAT BECUASE IT IS ABSOLUTELY AND UNDENIABLY TRUE AND I AM SURE YOU KNOW THAT'S ABSOLUTELY AND UNDENIABLY TRUE AS WELL EVEN IF IT'S DEEP DOWN INSIDE YOU! THAT'S A PROMISE! YOU CAN REST ASSURED OF THAT! Please be kind to yourself! Sending many safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @puzzclar, your family, your friends, your Pdoc and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking! I am TRULY, DEEPLY SORRY that you're GOING THROUGH ALL OF THIS and that you're HURTING AND STRUGGLING SO BADLY! PLEASE NEVER GIVE UP HOPE NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS! KEEP FIGHTING AND KEEP ROCKING! YOU ARE THE BEST AND THAT'S ABSOLUTELY AND UNDENIABLY TRUE AND I AM SURE YOU KNOW THAT'S ABSOLUTELY AND UNDENIABLY TRUE AS WELL EVEN IF IT'S DEEP DOWN INSIDE YOU!