Quote:
Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25
I left work about 2 hours early. Tried to come home to sleep but I keep having to get up to pee. I really need to go to the dr about this possible diabetes.
I’m sick at the thought of going into work tomorrow. I might take a personal day. I don’t know what else to do. RS thinks I need to talk to my school and tell them how I’m feeling. What good would that do? They can’t help me. Im terrified to quit though. I don’t have another job. It could take months to find another job. I have rent to pay. Im thinking it might be best to go on disability. But that could take months or years too. And I hate not working. All I do is sleep all day.
I just can’t keep on like I am. I’m going to hurt myself if I do. And it’s been nearly two years without self harm. I don’t want to start again. I’m so sick. And it came on so fast.
I don’t know. I need to find another job, I think. Just suck it up and deal with less pay.
Edit: I called my old job and they may have a spot for me. If they do I’m going to take it. At least I was happy there. So I’ll make less money, but I won’t be suffering so much. Maybe that’s best.
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Wild ...... please stop and breath just take a deep breath.
You just saw your T and she pointed out that you are likely just follow a pattern that is embedded, you can recover from that, yes it’s going to take work and it’s going to be hard, very hard at times, but your very strong, even when you don’t think so.
You also complained a lot about that other job, you struggled there just as much ( just by what you were posting here) you called off sick a lot and was very worried you would be fired over it many times.
I’m going to be a bit blunt....I’m not blowing off how your feeling but just want to give you a few things to consider/ keep in mind.
You can indeed be a teacher, your just needing to change the way you feel about yourself, change your reactions, that IS an attainable goal.
Your in a different living situation than in the past, you live on your own now with RS, you said that money will be tight from day one when you and RS decided to get your own place, if you blow off this job and take a lower paying position .. think very deep about that, being strapped to the max and struggling to pay bills and keep food on the table is going to cause another huge stress.. That kind of stress in the past has put you IP before, numerous times. It could also possibly put a strain in your relationship with RS.
I fear your going to jump before you really look and think and land in something that is going to be causing you even more struggles.
Disability ?? Yeah it’s possible, but it can take ... yes ... months to years, how can you pay your bills with little to no income while you wait? Can RS cover all your living expenses? Keep in mind until you get approved you won’t have insurance, I know your waiting now until November, but it could be a long time without, how will you be able to continue to see your Pdoc and T and get your medications?
I know right now you feel frantic and I hate that for you.
Remember you JUST promised your T you would go to work every single day, maybe focus on that promise.. it will keep you being accountable for advice and homework your T gave you..
Do a pro/con list.
Sit down and find out exactly what your monthly bills truly are, then add on meals out or on the go, gas, winter is coming so include also roughly how much more your going to pay for heating. Are you still smoking ? That’s a big expense to factor into it all.
It’s possible once you see everything on paper it will help you decide if you really can take a lower paying job.
I have faith in you that you most certainly can be a teacher in the position you have now
Don’t shoot your own foot off by not really looking at the big picture. Look before you leap
