Quote:
Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25
I left work about 2 hours early. Tried to come home to sleep but I keep having to get up to pee. I really need to go to the dr about this possible diabetes.
I’m sick at the thought of going into work tomorrow. I might take a personal day. I don’t know what else to do. RS thinks I need to talk to my school and tell them how I’m feeling. What good would that do? They can’t help me. Im terrified to quit though. I don’t have another job. It could take months to find another job. I have rent to pay. Im thinking it might be best to go on disability. But that could take months or years too. And I hate not working. All I do is sleep all day.
I just can’t keep on like I am. I’m going to hurt myself if I do. And it’s been nearly two years without self harm. I don’t want to start again. I’m so sick. And it came on so fast.
I don’t know. I need to find another job, I think. Just suck it up and deal with less pay.
Edit: I called my old job and they may have a spot for me. If they do I’m going to take it. At least I was happy there. So I’ll make less money, but I won’t be suffering so much. Maybe that’s best.
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I just wanted to say I am really sorry you are feeling this way. I might be able to relate a little. Not to compare to what you're dealing with, but I also got it into my head I was totally screwing up everything at work and a failure and panicked I was unable to do it and started getting mentally unwell over it. Some of it may have been my mental state making things worse and some of it was maybe the pathways in my brain. I can be a total perfectionist and really hard on myself.
Something that helped me was getting some outside feedback on how I was doing and realizing my view of my work was skewed negative. So, talking to someone at work might not be the worst thing, you might learn you're not alone and they might be able to give you some helpful feedback. It has also helped me to accept that I will mess up as is part of learning, and to figure out how to use it to learn and grow instead of beat myself up. Maybe you can write down something you learned and can apply in the future and something you did well each day and can track your progress? I hope your therapist is able to help you with this difficult situation. I am sure it's not easy.
